Chapter 17

Starting each day with a new promise, making new mistakes, learning new skills!

In 2010, we were reasonably settled and learning well in our own domains. My son in elementary school, my daughter in middle school and myself a teacher in junior school…all in the same campus! Son was doing quite well with no concerns to worry about and daughter felt secured having me around in school. Her educator had assured me that I did not need to worry or enquire about her and rather focus on my own work and this was indeed a huge relief!

It was during this time, I realised that small things started affecting me! For instance, if I could not do a task upto my satisfaction I felt very disappointed. If my son had a fever, I would feel highly disturbed, if a colleague gave me some feedback, I felt quite unsettled. I had a very kind friend who was a counselor. She asked me to come and speak to her. On a weekly basis, I started visiting her and pouring out my thoughts! So many feelings came from deep within….my real fears which I have been running away from! I learnt to acknowledge them, face them, talk about them and see what could be done…this gave me great relief and made me feel lighter.

During these sessions, I learnt two things primarily: to take care of myself and to stay with my feelings. Doing something for myself everyday could be reading/cycling/ watching a programme/ chat with a friend/ buy a book/ and so on. By ‘getting in touch with my feelings’ I could trace the cause of a certain feeling and gradually learn to work on it. In this process, I began understanding my own self, my likes/dislikes, what affected me and what was good for me. I realized MY feelings were important and I needed to respect them instead of feeling guilty of being ‘so sensitive’.
Once a friend commented, “why do you need to go for counselling?” I remember saying “for maintenance….just like a car needs servicing”

I was more confident and contented at workplace and found the environment comfortable and encouraging. I had already made few good friends in these two years and started looking forward to coming to school! I realised that my relaxed temperament had a positive effect on both my children!

One day while returning from school our 6 year old son started sobbing and refused to share ‘why’! Later when we spoke, he shared that his friends had seen his sister in school and they made fun of her. I tried explaining to him that they were small children…but realised that even he was a small child! It must have been so painful  for him.
I hugged and kissed him, he ran to his sister …. hugged and kissed her!

Phulon ka taaron ka sabka kahna hai, ek hazaron mein meri bahana hai!