Chapter 19

Some valuable learnings during the journey….

Initially while fighting the daily battles, I did not feel like discussing about my daughter or her challenges with everyone. I knew if I complained and cribbed, people will not enjoy my company. I even felt very often, when you share a concern people jump to suggestions or advice which may not be encouraging or appropriate for you. They do that only with good intentions as they want to help you! Again at times, when you want to talk about a problem, the listener immediately compares it with her own problem, probably to make you feel ‘you are not alone’! As a result you may stay quiet and not share further! Thus I learnt to share my concerns with people who were ‘Good Listeners’….with no hard feelings for those who were not!

Whenever I sat down to teach my daughter, be it skills or academics, I noticed that I needed to give 100% focus and concentration. When we are sincerely involved with the child the outcome is very satisfactory. I made it a point not to take any calls while was busy with her which could be chanting or doing art work or reading a story to her. Later when I got the role of an educator in school, it came naturally to me to work with a child just the way I would want an educator to work with my daughter!

While working with a special child we need to focus on one step at a time and not look at the whole picture. Progress is slow in certain areas and at times the child tends to have regression as well. Thus the teaching process can be hectic and  draining. We may need to do some drills on daily basis for the child to make that minimum progress. Also we may need to use alternative strategies to teach just a single concept. In the process, the caretaker develops loads of patience with resilience which is a necessity while working with a special child.

As my daughter learnt to express her needs and discomforts, she also understood the meaning of ‘expectation’. For good behaviour in school or a good exercising session at home, she always got a small reward. This taught her the meaning of ‘expectation’, which has always been decided by discussion and negotiation. We always have been trying to keep our promises. If ever we couldn’t keep a promise, we have always explained to her the reason behind it. We never  forget about the promise made to her, because we know that small rewards bring her a lot of happiness. She may not be able to express her disappointment in words, but her eyes speak volumes!

‘Trusting others’ who take care of the child in absence of parents, is a huge challenge every protective mother of a special child has to face.
Whether she is spoken to rudely or ignored repeatedly and not given assistance when needed….are the worries which may occur in the mother’s mind. Children like my daughter are often not able to come back to parents and share these incidents. I too went through these doubts initially and later occasionally. Close and distant monitoring as per need, connecting with the child, discussing the day gone and overall faith in Almighty….are the solutions I found!

Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breath, and have faith that everything will work out for the best.” Anonymous