Observation…..Self-correction…..Review
A few relatives mentioned that I don’t pick up the phone even after my working hours. A friend said “Tu kya ghar mein bhi time table follow karti hai?”
When you have to fight the battle everyday, it only makes sense to embrace the battlefield and fight with a smile. We are associated with Autism for the last 25 years, we now have a fair idea of what works well and what works best for the family, on a daily basis. Following a ROUTINE, with short breaks, helps us to keep busy fruitfully. When I am committed to my family, to my job and to myself, I need to do a lot of stuff keeping everyone’s interest in mind. My daughter’s needs are top on the list and cannot be compromised on. Hence I plan each day of mine in a way that I can cater to needs of all kinds. A few things have to happen everyday to keep my daughter happily engaged, fit and healthy. But again, planning and following a routine always…prevented me from being flexible or from taking an impromptu decision….this is also important and something I am working on!
Through the years, I have come across situations where, to meet a deadline I needed to work too hard. For instance, just before leaving for school, if my daughter feels uncomfortable or wants me around, being unable to express, I try to settle her and at the same time try to reach school on time. This has happened for years on a regular basis, hence I did not feel the need to share, explain or justify to others.These kinds of experiences taught me to be empathetic and give benefit of doubt to others….God knows what kind of battle the other person is fighting! I feel blessed to have realized that!
On a lighter note, when my friend asked me, “How could she speak to you like this…?” The first thought that comes to me is, “…she must be not in the right state of mind….”
There is a great pleasure in giving and doing! If a parent has worked hard for months together to teach a skill or concept to the child, she learns to overcome disappointment on daily basis. He/she learns to work harder with new hope and enthusiasm even without getting an immediate result. This teaches the person ‘resilience’ and not to depend on rewards from others, in the bigger picture. This is what I feel is an important learning….to stay happy and contented.
In initial years of struggle I would expect others to do this or do that and thus add to my stress! Gradually I figured out that it is sensible to expect only from ME, what others do is then a BONUS! And I have collected a lot of bonus….from so many people in so many situations!
As I focused on one day at a time, in terms of efforts and gratitude, small achievements mattered a lot. On the other hand, small disappointments also mattered a lot! This was an important observation…I made over many years!
Was it because I wanted concession in other challenges of life or was it the case of that last straw which I am unable to carry?
My daughter’s challenges are here to stay….road will be tough and rough, we are now equipped to walk on it, we know how to get up after a fall and walk again. Other obstacles will continue to come as well and I will have to look at each one objectively…without analyzing and questioning!.
Take time to deliberate, but when the time for action has arrived, stop thinking and go in.”
– Napoleon Bonaparte
Nivedita's Blogs 