The wheel has to move….things have to change
So our trip was in a large group of 43 members including 7 doctors, professors, writers, poets, special Educator, radio singers and so on. On 2nd day of the tour, we were asked to introduce ourselves. I presented my daughter with her condition and health concerns, with the promise to live up to the group expectations!
What followed was a pleasant surprise…. Each member interacted with her …. by wishing ‘Good morning’, holding her hand while crossing the roads, sharing their reserve snack, blocking the best seat in bus for her always, keeping an eye on her in the crowd and with encouraging words like ‘bravo’, ‘good walking ‘, ‘did you like the dinner’ and so on! They wished her luck and became a major support during the entire trip. We dint know any of them before and wonder if we will meet again ever! But am touched by their acceptance, sensitivity and compassion! After the trip I had this strange satisfaction of sensitizing the community….doing my bit! Ha!
Anxiety attacks did not go away completely, we would be alert and worried whenever she stepped out of home! She went for two more group trips in that year. One of them was to Moscow with my husband’s colleagues and their families. She was absolutely fine and quite accomodating through the trip. One thing was evident, in spite of her discomforts due to health issues and obesity, she tried hard to meet the expectations of the ‘normal world’.
We were unable to control her weight gain! It was partly because of her love for food and lack of reasoning to control, partly due to side effects of her medication and our inability to resist ‘giving in’. Her doctor insisted that we see a nutritionist and so I took my daughter to her. She agreed that my daughter’s meal schedule was good and nutritious but we needed to stop her fried snacks, and reduce outside food, white rice etc. It was a huge challenge to bring all these changes in her diet…some suggestions just did not work. E.G. after being served brown rice, she kept asking for white rice, seeing my son’s plate!
Before going to work, she negotiates for a snack of her choice, we have to agree…we donot want her to be sad or unsettled in workplace! We want to see the happiness on her face after being rewarded for a good day’s work!
In the beginning of 2018, medication needed to be changed. Either the combination of all medicines was not working out or the anxiety within was not being rightly handled! Our gynecologist was patient and cooperative and avoided prescribing hormones. Psychiatrist gave minimum medication needed and Endocrinologist tried to address the deficiencies and hormonal imbalance. Each specialist was doing his best and I had no reason to doubt them. I craved for that umbrella….that doctor of medicine who could look at all the various medications and tell me that the combination is perfect! I kept searching for one year but things did not work out….
Every time I rolled out the tablets and capsules, my heart broke, everytime she gulped in 1 tablet, she looked at me….probably wanting to know WHY? I wanted to tell her that I too was asking the Lord WHY? Gradually we got used to having 4 to 5 tablets after every meal….
I started explaining to her which tablet was meant to cure which ailment and what were the discomforts caused due to that ailment….
I prayed, Lord give me some of her pain…I would then understand her challenges better and probably know the side effects of the medication and help her express….
When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. – Henri Nouwen
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