Chapter 41

I want to stop doing everything, am tired! I can’t anymore and I don’t want to work hard…I don’t want to be brave!
These thoughts and feelings were hovering around me and I was making the conscious effort to run away from them!

I got a call from a neighbor,” I want to meet you desperately Nivedita, am very restless and totally confused about my son. He is stressed and am so worried that I am passing on more anxiety to him rather than helping him. You are the best person to understand what I am going through and you can guide me best!”

I wore my imaginary armour and suddenly felt like Amitabh in ‘Shahenshah’…here I come! I spoke to her over the phone for a few days and met her few times in the park, I listened patiently everytime, gave tips a couple of times, directed her towards professional help and kept her in my prayers!

Back home my daughter was having major issues with her hormonal balance, PCOD and a lot of weeping everyday! I had dared to switch her antidepressant to the one which doesn’t cause obesity. This call I had taken after consulting doctor and I knew that this would unsettle her to some extent…for the body to accept the new medicine. But I had to take the chance, I had to be patient, with the faith that it will be for her good!
But can anyone be completely sure of any medication or combination of medicines, what it does to the body and mind….of someone who is helpless in expressing all???

I sat down and had a SERIOUS chat with MYSELF….
What am I doubting? My decision about medication or is it my faith that things will work out sooner or later? Am I just tired? If so is that not natural? Watching your child weep and bored even after keeping her busy most of the time during the day, one gets drained.
I have to help myself, keep faith, do things which make me feel relaxed… Take frequent breaks, not feel guilty of what I do and what I don’t!
Crawl, walk, jog or run…at my pace, my journey and MY LIFE!

“Self-care is not selfish. You cannot serve from an empty vessel”
– Eleanor Brown