Coming to terms with Maa’s death….
Everyone needs to leave this world some day sooner or later, fact of life, I know and all know!
Sooner we accept the death of a person, close to us…. easier for us to come out of pain, I know and all know!
An ailing old person gets relieved of her suffering after death and is at peace…I know and we all know!
What I do not know is how to explain myself….why?
A person who worried about my returning late by 30 minutes is no longer worried, all of a sudden!
A person who requested me to sit with her ten minutes longer, will not ask again!
A person who planned to return to her own home, sleep on her own bed two months later will not be able to do so!
A person who was getting ready to eat her lunch to recover faster will never eat again!
A person who was so particular about cleanliness, washed and wiped her feet after each visit to the toilet will never need do so again!
A person who wrote long detailed messages for informing and enquiring will not send them any more?
A person who spoke about death, its doubtful controversies, about its connection and relation with family members will never talk about it!
Where are you Maa? If soul exists, why cannot we connect any more? Where does it vanish? How can we complete our unfinished conversations? When can I tell you I wanted you to be with me for sometime more? Why did I not get the last chance to say a loving goodbye for the last time?
My smile is forced, my mind is lost, my thoughts are around her all the time!
I ask myself was I not prepared for her to leave me, knowing of her ill health and old age…. the answer is NO.
They say pain lessens with time…. time is the greatest healer and I should not be selfish, think of her relief and not my loss! Does that mean, all is over in a second? She doesn’t remember or miss us any more? Our bond so strong is broken once and for always?
There must me so many theories and information answering, justifying or disagreeing with my my queries and beliefs!
But I will wait for answers from the universe to satisfy my soul!
“Grief is a normal and natural response to loss. It is originally an unlearned feeling process. It is a reaction to change: life-altering change. Those who grieve are not weak; they are strong people with an overabundance of sensitivity and humanity in facing an overwhelming situation.” – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Nivedita's Blogs 
Pain doesn’t lessen with time and neither the grief goes anywhere, one simply learns to live with them. And ones you have learnt that art of living the souls connect. How do you know that?? Well, you just know.
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