Awareness and Acceptance

Awareness is the first step followed by acceptance, be it GRIEF or the struggle to come out of the ‘WELL of MISERY’.

No matter how knowledgeable we may be, practical or rational we are known to be, when struck by grief, it can be a battle we start fighting. The more we try to avoid or run away from grief, we are chased by it! I had read about this, but experienced in real now. 

As someone said, when a bull sees a storm he runs through it, and finally comes out of it! This thought stayed with me and I decided to mourn as long as I could for my departed mom. But seeing me sulk and withdrawn, affected my family and friends….some wanted to distract me and some wanted to advise, out of love and concern with their best intention and others gave me company. Gradually my coping skills helped to a large extent and I learnt to switch off from mourning mode to working mode and shift roles frequently!

I noticed an amazing shift in my 30 year old daughter in Autism spectrum. She has been a silent spectator during this entire episode. She caressed me by running her soft fingers through my hair gently. She came across as a stable non interfering adult who focused on her own routine and requirements. She has complete clarity on her ‘nani’ going to God for ever, never to return! She was very lovingly attached to her nani…. enjoyed listening to real life childhood stories and had  learnt a whole lot of Sanskrit shlokas from her! She did not mention her name even once after seeing the deadbody leaving the house. She comes near her nani’s big picture on the wall, looks carefully and goes away. She knows and believes that nani will never come back again. Medha has accepted the fact gracefully. I wonder, not being bothered or worried about ‘why things happen the way they do?’ can be beneficial in certain situations!

My son asked me if I felt lonely, he appreciated me for all that I did to help myself feel better. A few practices that I followed during my journey through grief were:

# Writing to Maa in a diary as often as I wanted.

# Weeping when I wanted to.

# Getting  a new tattoo done.

# reading self help books.

# Watching positive videos on grief of losing a loved one.

# Trying my best to concentrate on my course of Masters in Psychology. Sitting down to study, concentrate, read, read again to understand and learn… were truly tough. But it actually helped me in bringing my thoughts under my control to a large extent. Studying proved to be therapeutic now!

I feel well under control, I am now able to observe my thoughts, can monitor and control them to a large extent!

Nathaniel Branden: “The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.” Aristotle: “The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness and the power of contemplation rather than mere survival.” Phil McGraw: