Nivedita's Blogs

Trusting all…at times may be tricky!

I saw my daughter at a distance holding my (reader) friend’s hand… her body language seemed positive and as I approached, her grin was assuring! It seems, she knew 90% of the paper…had doubts in some of the objective type questions. She had been happy and confident throughout the examination hours. She did not feel sleepy or emotional! Reader had to remind her several times to slow down the writing speed, for better presentation. After reading every question, she got excited and said aloud the answer! She had done her best, as always!
The other two papers went off very well too! We could keep ourselves fresh and happy, reached examination centre thirty minutes before time, remained relaxed till the end! What a relief!!!

The gentleman in NIOS office, who had helped in speeding up the processes and formalities of the examination, enquired how her papers went! I did not sound anxious or worried about the results as I was confident of her performance. He still assured that my daughter will pass with good marks…and that he would let us know when results are declared. After two months when I did not hear from him, we looked up at the site, and were shocked to find that results were out and in 2 papers she was marked ABSENT. This was highly weird as she had appeared for all papers in the same centre…she had signed on the attendance sheet, which was double checked by the reader!

The gentleman sounded confident that this would be rectified, and we needed to send a few applications to him! We did the needful… waited and started following up. At this point, he mentioned that he had once spoken about his son who was looking for a job….if my husband could help in some way! This was just ridiculous…many questions came to our mind….
• Is display of marks under his control?
• Was he being so nice and helpful to with a purpose?
• How can we do his son’s placement?
• If we cannot get a job for his son, will my daughter’s results get affected?
• Should we expose this person who seems corrupted, now?
•  Are we right in doubting his intentions?

My husband arranged for an interview through his contacts and we conveyed to this gentleman (or corrupt man?) that result of interview was not in our hands. Days went by, my daughter’s marksheet still reflected her absence for 2 out of 3 examinations!!!!
We now reached out to a friend of ours, who could look into this mess and set things right. After a week of taking this step….we could see the complete marksheet ! Sigh!!!

A few friends who got to know this story later, were furious and tried convincing us to expose that person (NIOS gentleman)….for playing this nasty game at the cost of a SPECIAL child’s sincere performance! It took me a while to believe that this person was actually exploiting our helplessness….
But we chose not to fight this battle….we had no energy left to teach lessons to others. Thankfully we had the wisdom to stay focused on our goal.

Learn to choose your battles…
Battles not fought are not lost; simply battles not worth fighting for.

–Anonymous

Situations….neither can take ….nor can leave…

My daughter’s examination date for Library Science was scheduled for mid  November 2019.We were studying and revising regularly till I realised that her reader/interpreter was busy with her own college examination. I did not have the energy to train or guide someone all over again to know, understand and support my daughter in the examination hall. Though I was confident that there would be some solution planned by God for this hurdle as well, I could feel the anxiety building up within! I felt tired!

Mother of my daughter’s reader and also my friend, very  kindly offered to play the role of her reader. She had been around during my daughter’s higher school examinations… supporting and encouraging her own daughter to help my daughter in the best way possible. This was indeed a blessing! But we realised that she did not fulfill the ‘age’ criteria of the role of reader. We went through all the minute details of eligibility and provisions for amanuensis (scribe or reader), laid by NIOS. Considering my daughter’s present health condition, physically and mentally, we had to arrange for a request letter from her doctor, to allow an older support. This is the only time we chose to exercise the special facillity that she deserved, so that she could write her exam well and prove her potential, once again!

During this process, a senior gentleman in NIOS office, came forward and went out of the way to speed up the entire formalities! He was kind and assuring and offered to assign an exam centre nearer to our home….which eventually did not happen. So we got our centre all the way….in Dhaula Kuan. We had to work around her sleep pattern as the examination happens in the afternoon. With all the medication she has to take, her body had got used to extra sleep which happened in the afternoon. So I began waking her late in the morning and taking her for a ride in the afternoon. Then one afternoon we fixed a mock test at my friend’s (reader’s) place, I wanted to assist the reader in handling her discomfort/ emotion if need be, while writing the paper.

My school authority was supportive and understood the need of my presence beside my daughter…to win another challenge! My family did the best it could and I had to work hard this time to keep calm…I was still getting used to my medication and I was anxious! Our reader/friend assured me “Karna to hai…phir hans ke hi karte hain…” I agreed…that was the spirit and this was my belief too!

I assured myself constantly explaining that:
• nothing would happen if she could not clear the examination….
• if she got upset in the exam hall, reader would be able to take care.
• in worst situation, I would be allowed to go and pacify her, we had the necessary medical certificates and permission.
But all in vain…brain and heart refused to come into agreement…just like 2 railway tracks!!!

In spite of leaving home, well on time on the 1st day of examination, we got stuck in traffic, lost the way twice and got late in reaching the center. I tried my best to stay calm and keep smiling so that I did not pass on the anxiety to my daughter. The staff in school was very cooperative in completing the formalities quickly and in getting her settled in the room. Wishing her good luck, going over the dos and don’ts with the reader, I left the building.
As I sat near the school gate, I felt a lot of discomfort in my chest and short of breath….I chanted and read a book that I was carrying, ‘Sisu’, the Finnish art of courage.

“We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it in full.”
Author: Proust

Lots to learn….lots to share….an ongoing process!

I got the opportunity to attend this workshop by a renowned Autism expert from the US. Representatives from 9 countries and 31 cities were present who were keen and inquisitive to know and learn. Though we try and do various interesting things with our children in the spectrum, such workshops are of immense help! Firstly, one revisits strategies, secondly gets to know about new findings and alternative methods….most importantly it serves as a checklist for things we are doing right! I noted down the conclusions from various case studies explaining….
*Why these children behave in these ways,
*what they suffer from…
*why they express so differently….
*How their brains are wired…that some parts of the brain are inactive and others overactive….and….
*HOW HELPLESS THEY ARE !

Certain interesting facts which I could connect to and stayed with me were:
# These children can be traumatized by open drains on the road or in the bathroom….
# small unexpected change in the environment can be devastating at times….
# Due to high pain threshold and sensory issues, they may not be aware and not realize the intensity of a discomfort in the body…
# During a meltdown it is wise not to ask or try to reason out, which may aggravate the problem. It has been concluded after a lot of research that they are unable to recall their pain and feelings during that phase of melt down.

My close association with Autism started way back in 1996, when we had no resources, very less awareness and limited case studies to refer to. Though I did gather knowledge and support from environment and knowledgeable people through the years, this kind of data was unavailable during the struggle. I had to hit and try, then try and fail, try again and take a call…
In the workshop, after seeing the slides which showed clearly the difference between a typical and Autistic brain, I realised that, there are certain areas where damage is irreversible. Some areas of brain can show progress even if negligible, after making continuous effort and some areas will show noticable changes with therapy and inputs.
The realization that…. what I have managed to do, based on my observations and experiments were 90% correct if not more….gave me a real high! Wah ji wah!

My daughter has been very fussy about drains in the bathroom; she insists on getting them wiped clean several times during the day. She is very uncomfortable if people around her have  chewing gum! These things are so disturbing for her that she may lose her sleep! We have done a lot of training through the years for her to understand ‘public places’ and ‘strangers’. Again, she needed to be explained further, why we cannot clean drains of sinks in public washrooms and why we cannot tell a stranger not to have a chewing gum!
She has now learnt to make adjustments like these and thus is able to deal with the annoyance experienced, on her own.

I have been guiding her to scan her body for any discomfort/ pain from head to toe, on a regular basis. Since she is scared of injections, she agrees to take precautions to avoid illness. The lady, Autism expert shared her slides recommending regular scanning of body part by part, to identify an ailment at the earliest. It seems many adults with Autism land up in hospitals too late to survive…. missing early diagnosis and early intervention!
Eating right always is difficult for all of us….we follow healthy diet for her with small frequent meals….the best we CAN! Indulging into her favorite snack once a day cannot be avoided!

How I wish she understood and could follow intermittent fasting or stop carbohydrates completely and stick to proteins….we have been trying to do the best we can!

“Do the best you can. If it still doesn’t work out, at least you will have the peace of mind knowing you tried.”
Akiroq Brost

Reaching out ….I am not alone !

I had begun having sleepless nights and small disappointments were causing discomfort in chest! No amount of reasoning was helping me! I reached out to my counselor…she arranged for a meeting soon and tried to understand my mixed thoughts. She helped me to connect with my feelings which were so vague! My observations and feelings seemed to be all messed up, I found it difficult to relate to her suggestions….Yes I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder.
The symptoms were right there in front of me! I needed first aid…I needed medication!
On my way back from the session, I was relieved to get the formal diagnosis and at the same time, there was this strange feeling of….I failed… to stay sane, to take care of MYSELF!

I had a friend colleague who had suffered from this, since childhood and had shared her feelings and challenges with me once. I chose to approach her first, she is a very efficient, focused and sorted lady. I spoke to her, she heard me patiently… without asking too many questions! She convinced me to see the doctor and to start the medication without delay. My husband encouraged me to exercise and made the effort to accompany me for morning walks. I noticed that if busy and engrossed, I did not sulk or weep. When free and unoccupied fruitfully, I felt restless.
Since my face is quite expressive, lipstick and kajal could not hide my emotions well in workplace. Slowly I started opening up to a few colleagues I was working closely with, so that I did not need to lie or justify my feelings.

Doctor prescribed a low dose of antidepressant,  which would take sometime to take action. I continued with my daily routine of chanting, reading, walking/exercising, connecting with friends, learning library science with daugher! I made sure to take feedback from my colleagues  on my performance of professional work, on regular basis. I definitely did not want a dip in that area and then feel miserable, further! As always advised by my counselor, I continued with my daily journal which now was filled with my thoughts and observations, triggers and reactions….

I tried to be cautious of saying things to others fearing their response…felt apprehensive of comments like….
You worry too much….Don’t be so negative….you said this so many times already…Everything seems settled and good in your life now, so why do you worry???…..and ….Who doesn’t have problems in life? I did not answer these….had no answer and had no energy to think and reply!
It is their perspective and their way of helping me! They only meant good….but I needed to choose and pick stuff that would help me….HERE I WAS THE PRIORITY!

On the other hand, I had a whole lot of friends and colleagues who patted my back and said,
It had to happen…never  mind…you will sail through…
You are a wounded soldier, you have fought many battles, you need a break and you will recover….
Look at this as an ailment, get treated and get cured, do the needful….
Look at this as one of the many battles you fought….you will win!
Lots of strength to you…I have faith in you…you will be fine!
I have always looked up to you for strength…I know you will overcome this too….

I told myself…NO BIG DEAL 🙂 I will handle it!

“Always remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” –Christopher Robin

Blessings in various forms….

2017 and 2018 were struggling and juggling with some very special moments for me in workplace and at home!
My colleagues and friends celebrated their happy moments with me which helped to rejuvenate my heart and soul. My work was very satisfying and motivating. Colleagues I worked closely with, were very supportive and encouraging. If I doubted my level of performance, they reminded me of my strengths and expressed their faith in me! Amongst all the chaos of my daughter’s health issues and medical confusion, we as a family managed to send her safely to work, with minimum days of leave taken! She delivered very well too, dealing and coping with all her challenges….

One fine day, we got a call from the HR department of my daughter’s organization. Yes it had happened! She was accepted in the organization…she signed a formal contract and she would be paid for her valuable work! It felt as though we completed drawing the circle….we reached the happy ending of the movie we were watching for so long….. yeah!!! We did it!!! I did an imaginary ‘high five’ with my Lord, up there! Then I shared the news with all my near and dear friends and family….those who had seen this dream with me and those who were unsure!  I took my husband out to dine and my friends took turn in taking her out for a treat, each time to her choice of restaurant.
Finally I sat down to ask my child ‘how did she feel’ about getting money for her work?’ She could not identify the reason for this sudden celebration…for her, doing good work, getting appreciation and a small reward meant everything!

We were more than satisfied with my daughter’s work environment and sensitive approach of the staff ! But she ‘getting salary’ meant acceptance and respect to the person who is genuine and hard working, innocent and adjusting! I showed her the bank details of her salary, gave her the money and asked her what would she like to buy? She said that she was happy with  a bottle of coke and two pieces of samosa! This reminded me….Thoda hai…thode ki zaroorat hai….

After increasing and balancing dosage of all her medications both homeopathic and allopathic, she seemed to be setting down gradually. Back in 2017, I had been taking her to an NGO in connaught place (which was her study centre for this course), once a month. This was a very different and challenging experience for her to sit amongst a mixed group of men/boys/ college girls from different family backgrounds. I sat on the last bench, listened to the lectures and kept an eye on her too! We travelled in metro and walked till the NGO. Initially her classmates could not relate to her….after 3 to 4 visits they approached her and wanted to know her! I resumed visiting the study centre for some guidance and tips. My daughter started showing interest in learning once again!

For submission of examination form, application and permission of reader to assist her, I visited NIOS Noida in April 2019. Then I decided to help her revise, learn and begin preparations for the examination of library science. A senior staff in NIOS office, came forward and offered all possible help to speed up the formalities and I was really very grateful to him for being so sensitive!
My daughter looked forward to sitting with me and learning happily after her regular work in library! My son now in 9th grade worked sincerely and gave me nothing to worry as such!

I observed strange conflict of emotions within me…felt like crying for no obvious reasons, felt sad in happy occasions and gathering….this was worrisome! Something was wrong with me…..

Dalai Lama:
… If you feel “burnout” setting in, if you feel demoralized and exhausted, it is best, for the sake of everyone, to withdraw and restore yourself.

The wheel has to move….things have to change

So our trip was in a large group of 43 members including 7 doctors, professors, writers, poets, special Educator, radio singers and so on. On 2nd day of the tour, we were asked to introduce ourselves. I presented my daughter with her condition and health concerns, with the promise to live up to the group expectations!
What followed was a pleasant surprise…. Each member interacted with her …. by wishing ‘Good morning’, holding her hand while crossing the roads, sharing their reserve snack, blocking the best seat in bus for her always, keeping an eye on her in the crowd and with encouraging words like ‘bravo’, ‘good walking ‘, ‘did you like the dinner’ and so on! They wished her luck and became a major support during the entire trip. We dint know any of them before and wonder if we will meet again ever! But am touched by their acceptance, sensitivity and compassion! After the trip I had this strange satisfaction of sensitizing the community….doing my bit! Ha!

Anxiety attacks did not go away completely, we would be alert and worried whenever she stepped out of home! She went for two more group trips in that year. One of them was to Moscow with my husband’s colleagues and their families. She was absolutely fine and quite accomodating through the trip. One thing was evident, in spite of her discomforts due to health issues and obesity, she tried hard to meet the expectations of the ‘normal world’.

We were unable to control her weight gain! It was partly because of her love for food and lack of reasoning to control, partly due to side effects of her medication and our inability to resist ‘giving in’. Her doctor insisted that we see a nutritionist and so I took my daughter to her. She agreed that my daughter’s meal schedule was good and nutritious but we needed to stop her fried snacks, and reduce outside food, white rice etc. It was a huge challenge to bring all these changes in her diet…some suggestions just did not work. E.G. after being served brown rice, she kept asking for white rice, seeing my son’s plate!
Before going to work, she negotiates for a snack of her choice, we have to agree…we donot want her to be sad or unsettled in workplace! We want to see the happiness on her face after being rewarded for a good day’s work!

In the beginning of 2018, medication needed to be changed. Either the combination of all medicines was not working out or the anxiety within was not being rightly handled! Our gynecologist was patient and cooperative and avoided prescribing hormones. Psychiatrist gave minimum medication needed and Endocrinologist tried to address the deficiencies and hormonal imbalance. Each specialist was doing his best and I had no reason to doubt them. I craved for that umbrella….that doctor of medicine who could look at all the various medications and tell me that the combination is perfect! I kept searching for one year but things did not work out….

Every time I rolled out the tablets and capsules, my heart broke, everytime she gulped in 1 tablet, she looked at me….probably wanting to know WHY? I wanted to tell her  that I too was asking the Lord WHY? Gradually we got used to having 4 to 5 tablets after every meal….
I started explaining to her which tablet was meant to cure which ailment and what were the discomforts caused due to that ailment….
I prayed, Lord give me some of her pain…I would then understand her challenges better and probably know the side effects of the medication and help her express….

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. – Henri Nouwen

With every problem….comes a solution !

Medicines were being introduced gradually, increasing their intensity slowly so that my daughter could adjust to their side effects. Also one new medicine was introduced at one time, for us to have clarity on its effects on the ailment. We needed to be extra careful because expression of discomforts and emotions at different levels, is a huge challenge in Autism. I believe in having a clear discussion with the doctor, to have clarity on the role of a particular medicine. Reading up the internet is scary because as I am not a doctor I wouldn’t know which information is valid or applicable to me. By God’s grace my doctors were patient and compassionate!

I decided to focus primarily on her health, then her work in library and postponed her library exam to next year, 2018. In 2016 December we had planned a group tour to Eastern Europe to celebrate my daughter’s completion of Higher Secondary Examination and her placement for in the library. With her present health challenges, I was unsure if she would be able to bear the strain and face the challenges of a long trip in a group! Since a good amount of payment was already made, we decided not to cancel….rather wait and see if her health conditions improve….

By April 2017, her panic attacks reduced in frequency (to once a month) but not in intensity. When she got the attack, it would be extremely disturbing and draining to witness her discomfort and anguish! There was no specific trigger or environment which could be pointed out as the cause. It happened only at home and around family members.
She was fine at workplace and did a lot of work by taking breaks. She followed instructions given by the librarians and came home peacefully. Everyday after completing the assigned tasks, she wrote a mail, from the library to her HOD with CC to me. In her mail, she gave a short summary of what all she had done in library on that day! I would pray and wait patiently for her mail everyday in the afternoon.
I thanked the Lord for each day without the panic attack.

I geared up to prepare her physically, emotionally and mentally for the trip. We went through the detailed iterinary, made notes, took a look at the places we would be visiting, when and how. We discussed in detail about what all we would be seeing in Eastern Europe. We began practice of walking everyday, made a list of soft skills with emphasis on what to do and what not to do when we are travelling with a group of people. Her body needed 10 hours of sleep due to the medication and this kind of tour   demanded travelling at odd hours which was unavoidable. We started to shift her sleep routine in the best way possible to suit the travelling plan. She had travelled abroad quite a few times  before, but this time we had to take special precautions for her mental and physical health. We packed extra sets of medication, her prescription and a letter describing her condition.

After all the preparation, I was totally exhausted…what was the need to travel with with so much of apprehension….I wondered.
What if she falls asleep during layover and we’re unable to catch the connecting flight? What if she has a panic attack in flight or in bus, scaring the group and they refuse to travel with us?? What if she cannot walk the distances and the group gets stuck or delayed due to us?
I woke up next morning and told myself…My daughter has been taught the necessary skills, she has to travel with us, I will try and maintain a relaxed atmosphere…and God will take care!

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far it is possible to go.” — T.S. Eliot

Gratitude for the good times, faith during the trial times….

A friend visited me in December 2015 and heard me out; she suggested that I continue to VISUALIZE : my daughter working happily and peacefully in the library. She said that she had a lot of faith in visualization and assured me that things would workout in the best way possible. This brought back my positive thoughts and beliefs….as though Lord sent me a messenger to tell me ‘not to lose faith in Him’! there was no news from the organization regarding my daughter’s discontinuation after six-month-trial period. I actually carried something wooden always…for  ‘touching wood’ whenever I feared losing this happiness.
My daughter sailed smoothly throughout the year of 2016. I connected with the organization regularly, worked on their feedback, at the same time prepared for 1st paper of library examination to be held in April 2017.

In January 2017, on our way to Amritsar in the train, I observed that she started having her anxiety attacks again after 9 years. Her gynecological challenges seemed to be back which could be causing emotional discomfort in addition to her physical pain.
We visited the golden temple, she covered her head with the scarf everytime it slipped off and repeated my prayers loudly and clearly! I told her that on our return, I would visit the gynecologist and the psychiatrist, do the necessary tests, give the prescribed medication and she would be fine.
SHE BELIEVED ME and I HAD FAITH IN ALMIGHTY.

The morning before leaving for Wagah border, she had a few panic attacks and I was shocked and pained to see her helpless and in so much of discomfort. For me…staying calm, not talking, praying silently and giving her time to settle, really  helped! When you are in a situation, you need to find an immediate solution to handle it and then handle yourself! You need to make the choice, take the decision having faith in your own wisdom, because it needs to be quick and appropriate. By afternoon, I gathered courage and assured my family that SHE WILL BE FINE and will be able to handle all the walking and crowd in Wagah border. I was scared, very scared…

She enjoyed watching parade and took interest in the entire drill at the border of India and Pakistan. We returned to hotel peacefully.
In the evening a friend called me, who was also visiting Amritsar and insisted on me joining her to see the Golden temple at night. I was totally exhausted….mentally, physically and emotionally, after the roller coaster ride through the day….
My friend held my hand and took me around every corner of the temple, sharing the stories behind the pictures and rituals! I sat with the long queue of devotees praying for peace! I was healed and felt calm, filled with gratitude. My friend had no clue of what I went through during the day, she was definitely God sent !

After returning home, I visited the doctors and got a whole lot of blood tests done. A pleasant looking young man did a fine job of talking to my daughter patiently and giving her adequate time for pricking! These small mercies are what I am always grateful for. Gynecologist and psychiatrist, both were very understanding and cooperative! Though ultrasound seemed scary, my daughter was brave and managed that entire process pretty well!
Getting the right combination of medicines to have the right impact on her ailments, their side effects, my daughter’s inability to express and cope…were our primary concerns….now!

Build on past successes, be grateful for what you do have, and know that this, too, shall pass. It’s only for the now. Whatever we’re facing, it’s not forever. – Dave Pelzer

Discovering new talents and new challenges…..

It is indeed a big blessing that, my daughter never had to be taught spellings! She looked at words and learnt their spellings from such an young age; when just one year and four months old! Her vocabulary increased over the years and she figured out word meanings with reference to context. For instance, she knew the difference between ‘bored’ and ‘board’ without ever being explained. This special talent helped her in passing her examinations and now in workplace as well.
I noticed, when she learnt to do stock taking, she read the name of the book and author at one go and noted down the details quickly and correctly! As a result her speed was high and she completed a lot of work in less time. This brought us to the challenge of what can she do next? She did not know how to ‘NOT DO ANY WORK’ while working she is so focused that she doesn’t care who is coming or going, speaking to her or ignoring! This also meant that she accomplished her work in much lesser time than us!

So after understanding her work load, her strengths and limitations, her environment and expectations from her, I had started making a schedule. This schedule/plan included the various things she needed to keep in mind, starting from wishing everyone she met, keeping her work area neat, completing the given task, taking a break and so on. This also included soft skills like informing ma’am in library while going to washroom, before eating her snack and returning home.
One day she got stuck while working, refused to continue and was unable to share her concern. After a lot of research we discovered that, the battery of keyboard was weak. So we learnt together about the possible obstacles like, internet slow/not working, pen not writing, mouse not functioning and so on. We had daily discussions on these issues and the same were mentioned in her daily plan.

By December 2015, she was pretty settled, working independently thrice week. I was in touch with the HOD of library and the head of special education team, who gave me suggestions and regular feedback. A friend suggested that we enroll her in the course of library science which would be a huge advantage in her profession. NIOS offers a Certificate Course in Library Sciences which looked interesting and quite doable! Now our focus was:
* My daughter’s maintenance of skills needed for the job
* Beginning the process of learning Library Science by making notes with understanding
* To keep her interest and energy level upto the mark

Son seemed to be doing well in academics, as well as in cocurricular activities in school, along with exercising his role as the vice-captain. I had taken a long break from my work in 2015 to explore options and place my daughter in some training or workplace. God has been kind like always and here was a huge opportunity for her learning. She was happy! Life seemed to be good but I experienced fear within and felt emotional when alone. I started seeing my counselor who helped me to get in touch with my fear and feelings, to identify and acknowledge them!

What if she stops working and refuses to go to work? What if, people around her do not like her or her work? What if she makes errors in her work which impacts the organization? What if the organization does not want her to continue after six months?
If any of these happens, what will I do…..
WILL SEE…

Zindagi ek safar hai suhana….Yahan kal kya ho, kisne jana??

Stepping out of comfort zone …

Her crying continued….doctor prescribed some medication which would show results gradually and we had to wait patiently. The environment did not really matter in causing and controlling her emotions. We tried to keep her occupied and engaged at home as school was over….also I explored the options for the way ahead….after school. I got in touch with senior educators I knew, working in different organizations. I continued my research on finding the right ‘work cum learning’ environment for her….with the faith that something must have been planned by the Lord.

In April 2015, we got the wonderful news about our son who had been selected as the vice-captain of his house in Junior school! This called for celebration and we all went for his swearing in ceremony. My daughter was briefed about the big ‘Good News’ and why the function was being held! She looked excited to be a part of the celebration. But just before my son began speaking and addressing the audience, daughter became emotional for no evident reason and began weeping! I patted her back, hugged her gently, with my eyes and ears stuck on my son on stage! Because I knew, this golden moment would never come back and I had to thank Lord for this precious gift.
I still remember the feeling that day…Rotey rotey hansna sikho, hanste hanste Ronaa…..

Medication began showing positive results! I was on leave for a few months and could give her a lot of time; going for walk together, singing, reading, chanting, drawing, painting and so on. A dear friend of mine happily agreed to teach her vocal music in individual sessions, once a week. My daughter was already learning art once a week and was developing interest in various kinds of drawing and coloring. A kind hearted young boy from a good fitness institute had begun training her since May 2012. These activities were crucial just not to keep her occupied  but for balancing her emotions as well!

A senior experienced special educator and friend spoke about the possibility of my daughter to be placed in a school library. Looking at her skills of reading, typing, copying,  writing without spelling errors, handling the computer with ease; she could be trained in library job! She always had a fascination for looking at books sitting in her school library, which is always air conditioned. So I thought, why not explore this option!

In July 2015, my daughter got a warm welcome by the entire team of this renowned school. She was introduced to a couple of tasks; sticking of due date slips, listing of books and uploading the same and saving on computer. She picked up both the jobs very well and the department of library was highly impressed! We had to pay attention to things like, walking smartly to reception, signing the register, setting down to work, taking break for a snack or to watch a video, resuming her work and writing a mail to HOD, after all the work done. For the 1st month at her workplace, I was around for the entire time with her. Then slowly I started leaving her for 30mins, 1hour, 2 and then 3 hours!
The smiles of acceptance and encouragement that I observed among the staff around, made me feel that, God has chosen this place for a reason…
“My daughter is meant to touch more lives in a new organization”
I said a silent “thank you” to Almighty!

“Thankfulness is the beginning of gratitude. Gratitude is the completion of thankfulness. Thankfulness may consist merely of words. Gratitude is shown in acts.”
—Henri Frederic Amiel